Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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