i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
