Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
