Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
