Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
