Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I feel like abortions should bother me more
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
