im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize