Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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