Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
