Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
