I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
