yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
