I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
