The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
