My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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