I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
