Only a mothe r could love this liver
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
