ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
