weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
