he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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