Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
