never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
