new low.... made out with someone while peeing
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
