life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
