it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
two words: eviction party
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
