Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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