So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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