I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
