hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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