i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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