Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
