I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
