girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
