Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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