The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
