so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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