Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
