Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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