i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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