somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
