don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
