dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
