And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
