I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
