i want to swaddle you in tequila
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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