I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
