She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
