smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
