When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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