Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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