Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
