i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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